Male Hearing - FSD and other Related Phenomena Parts I and II   Have a male in your life with hearing problems? Not all hearing problems are caused by a physical disability. Find out about FSD, VSD and other male hearing phenomena! (humour)

It's the filters, you know.  The type most men have is genetic and is located in the auditory canal, just before the ear drum. This enables man to hear what he wants to hear, not hear what part he doesn't want to hear or deny hearing whatever a female said in the first place. 

Women may have noticed from past experiences that there seems to be a one sentence delay before this special filter activates.  This phenomenon is called FSD or ‘First Sentence Disadvantage’.  And indeed, research has found that it takes this filter about one sentence to identify the speaker as female.  Once voice recognition activates, the default setting for this highly selective sound filter is activated.  This kind of sound filter can be compared to the spam filter of an email client such as Eudora that one can set at varying degrees of effectiveness. 

Studies are not yet conclusive, but it is suspected that presence of this extra filter may be additional proof that men are, indeed from a different planet than women.  Mars is a possibility.

Once FSD activates, it picks up verbal bits perceived as time sensitive information such as movie times and lengths or directional bits, such as following instructions on how to arrive somewhere.  At that point, when key words such as

'we have to be there by'...'it lasts for...',

'go thru the third traffic light, turn right, then left past the church, then further on for 1 kilometre then...'

and most especially

'I think we're lost, shouldn't we ask for help (or goddess forbid - look at a map)?'

are perceived, the filter usually blocks all further audio sound in the higher frequency range of the female voice.

After that first crucial sentence, filters set to 'aggressive' most likely have already activated. In this instance,  all (female) audio sounds are then passed from one ear then neatly out the other with no residue remaining in between.   What FSD effectively means is, women have one sentence (or less as in the case of filters set to ‘aggressive’) to get a male’s attention to what she is saying. 

VSD is another phenomenon found in some males and refers to ‘Variable Sentence Disadvantage’ – which essentially means that the first sentences is not noticed, but bits of later sentences may be determined.  Most women refer to this as selective hearing.  It is my experience that most men are affected by both FSD and VSD, often at the same time or alternating.  It is a rare male that is affected by VSD alone. 

The handy (male) advantage of either or both of these phenomena is they can, with conviction, deny that the female ever said anything, thus once again avoiding that dreaded silly notion of accepting responsibility for misunderstandings due to not listening attentively.   There is another known defect called SSAS or Selective Short Attention Span – see note below. 

It is genetically impossible for most males to identify between 'hearing' and 'listening'.  Some men can admit hearing what their female said but will not have LISTENED to what she said, which as we all know, is the first step toward comprehending a speaker.   It cannot be pointed out strongly enough to the female species that men simply cannot listen and therefore consider themselves innocent of any misunderstandings.   Don’t be frustrated, it’s in their genes.

Summary:  FSD, VSD and other phenomenon such as ATM (Aversion To Maps) and RBO (Refrigerator Black Out - an inability or unwillingness to find food placed in a refrigerator, especially in the eyelevel, frontal area) are universally recognized, inborn disabilities unique to the male species, requiring great patience and understanding on the part of the female. 

Tip:  A conversational commentary that gives a lot of information can be too complicated.

Example: 

I like most wines, especially the Spanish ones from Rioja or Navarra.  However, I prefer the red wines and some rosé.  I really dislike most Spanish white wine but enjoy most German white wines. 

He may note that you like wine (especially if he does too).  However, the ‘white wine’ may stick, resulting in him bringing you an imported bottle of it. After all, you did say something about Spanish wines and mentioned white wines twice.

Remember the FSD phenomenon and place the most important information toward the beginning of a short first sentence as in following:

I really dislike white wine.  I prefer the taste of red wine.   

Use eye contact and pause between sentences.

Note:  SAS and  SSAS or Short Attention Span and Selective Short Attention Span  respectively, are also natural characteristics of the male species and can be easily identified by a vague, distant look in the eyes, constant interrupting and/or frequent changing of the subject.  A short or non-existent attention span to conversations with females or short attention/attentiveness to female partner’s needs/requests yet long and devoted attention to subjects of interest such as self, a car, sports or a hobby is characteristic.

SAS and SSAS are closely related to IMS (Impatient Male Syndrome).  Global studies have shown that men want fast sex and fast food.  Women want prolonged and attentive sex and gourmet food, the latter requiring interest in quality, attention to detail and patience.  Generally, not a male issue.  Sigh.

Comment:  Studies are not yet conclusive, but it is suspected that presence of this filter may be proof that men are, indeed from mars.

HEARING AND THE AGING MALE SYNDROME (Part II)

This syndrome is a compound one entailing all of the above but with increased denial and/or situational manipulation.  In this case, filters are especially convenient for the aging male of the human species. 

By then the hearing is (dare he admit it?) usually worse due to a valid physical disability. At this stage, either the responses to the frustrated female of the species is justifiably 'well, you KNOW I am hard of hearing' (should it be convenient to admit) or 'You never said that!  I'm not hard of hearing you know!' (should that be more convenient).  This of course, accompanied by the furrowed brow and angry look that morphs into the effective hurt look.

That last sentence ('I'm not hard of hearing....) is an especially well worn one and often used when the female repeats something for the third or forth round, each time a little louder because the male a) either didn't flinch or b) asked 'pardon?' or ‘huh?’ for the third time responding to the incrementally raised female voice carefully enunciating the phrase or question she is trying to get across to the male.

This will happen frequently throughout the day, so great patience is expected from the female.  Do not expect understanding for the strain upon you or the relationship, nor sympathy for YOU on the part of the male.  It won't happen.  You and everyone else is expected to adjust to their problem. 

Wearing a hearing aid is not an option to a great majority of men with hearing problems directly related to a physical impairment.  Wear earplugs to reduce the roar of the television. 

When speaking, do this frontally, establish eye contact and have a relaxed expression.  Ask them to repeat what you said, and for very important communications, have a calendar at hand to annotate and affirm understanding.  Have the male initial the entry.  This will shorten future disputes.  Ignore the offended look.  Smile.

The inexperienced female will find it difficult to ascertain at which point a younger male of the species has his filter set at aggressive (meaning set to respond immediately to the higher vocal pitch of the female, block the hearing/understanding capacity and thus 'not get it' most of the time) or when said male has reached maturity and is becoming or is discovered to be deaf in at least one ear.  Usually the left, according to statistics. 

It becomes more complicated should the aging male of your interest do indeed, own a hearing aid – and actually use it.  With the latest sophisticated digital models, it is easier than ever to turn it off or set it very low (which will not pick up the higher pitch of the female voice, thus functioning as the natural genetic filter).  The female, of course, may not notice this until the next misunderstanding.

Male thinking ascertains that it is much easier to get past the moment of communication by acting like they heard what was said, smile and agree somehow by nod or word because whatever 'she' is saying can't be all that important anyway - and then hope all is well.  If it was not and a massive problem was created because of a one-sided (female) communicative effort, well there's always that old standby...'You NEVER said that!'

In closing, it has been noticed that the male seems to have a knack for waiting until the female is involved with running water (as in leaning over running bath water or under a shower, using machinery (mixer, culinary or cement) or in the immediate vicinity of noise (barking dog, grass mower) to initiate a communication.  When she asks (having turned off the water, mixer etc) him to repeat, the inevitable, impatient response will be:  I SAID (then enunciating each word slowly and verbally underlined) ________________ (fill in the blank).  Getting deaf, are you?

Resist comment and ignore it.  It makes them feel better.

(The author is daughter and wife of males with FSD, VSD, SAS, SSAS and other male related disabilites such as ATM and RBO and Hearing Disability Denial.  She finds humour HER best medicine.)

Statistics:  Over 60% of the hearing impaired population is male.  True hearing loss in men (not FSD etc. related) usually occurs between the ages of 30 to 65 years of age.  Men are more likely to deny any hearing problem.  Women are more likely to seek medical attention and wear hearing devices than men.   ;>)

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